The Hand You're Dealt........

Last year around my birthday, I was at Airport Mall in Morrisville. I wandered into their bookstore, which had THE WORSE selection ever…but stumbled upon what ended up being my birthday gift to myself. Tarot cards…..it included the cards & instructional book.

Now, some of you might have preconceived notions in regards to tarot cards. I know a few of my friends did….and that’s fine.

But for the sake of clarity let me just say I don’t worship any devil. Don’t believe in witch craft. I don’t think the cards can predict the future. What’s interesting about tarot cards is they can offer you insight.

My ability to read peoples tarot cards I think is heightened by my ability to read people overall.

I’ve read almost all of my closest friends and immediate family…..at least the one’s close to me.
Some more than others.
And all have taken something from the reading.

It’s important to know that tarot cards aren’t predicting anything.
They offer insight, a perspective.
And its interesting to see what the cards say about you….
Makes you think about yourself or situation with a different mindset….

Now the cards themselves tell a story.

You have the 22 major cards and each represent a major phase in life.

Then the 56 minor cards which are separated into four suits.

- Wands :: fire :: intuition
- Cups :: water :: feeling
- Pentacles :: earth :: sensation
- Swords :: air :: thinking

There are 14 cards within each suit.

It’s really interesting to see which suits you end up with & there placement during a spread.

Now there are 100’s and thousands of spreads. Each spread addresses an issue or has a theme.

I usually do a two spread reading if it's my first time with a client.

It’s definitely something I’ll continue to grow in. I’ve had good experience with it. Just another aspect of me…..

If your interested in a reading, get in contact with me! : ))

I'd rather jump instead of fall.....

I’d rather jump instead of fall.

That’s my epiphany of the day.

I keep thinking about what could happen. The possibilities. Both good and bad. And for some reason the bad is what holds my attention. This fear of the unknown. Of the repercussions for taking such a risk.

For me a risk is this blog. Committing to writing. I love writing, it’s just provides me with this comfortable feeling. But actually committing to being a writer and finally taking responsibility for my career.

Getting back to the student in me. Completing my application for grad school.

There’s so much I want to do and you know what “I’d rather jump instead of fall”………

I’d rather be in control of taking this leap then risk putting it off and failing without effort……

"None of your friends business...."

Reminder :: “Ain’t None of Your Friends Business“….


I want to discuss what I think to be an issue all of us have had to address at some points in time.

The line you have to draw between the relationship that you're in. The relationship you have with your girlfriends. And the relationship between those two relationships….

You can’t be in a romantic relationship and not have an outlet to communicate with. Now fellas this doesn’t mean we’re out telling all of your business, or even our own. It just means that every now and then we need to express some things. Our girls offer input on a situation that may be going on. Not because their input overrides our own, but more because we want another perspective from someone who has our best interest at heart.

And THAT’S where the issue usually arises.

Because sometimes, at least once in a lifetime…..a girlfriend goes ROGUE.

[Rogue - a dishonest or unprincipled person; scoundrel; rascal; playfully mischievous; deceitful; vicious & solitary]

That’s right ROGUE.

That turn to the dark side. They succumb to some type of feeling of jealousy, greed, or maybe just plain old hate. Maybe to them it’s a survival tactic. But to you they were just working undercover.

And you may believe it’s impossible and it VERY well might be. However your man knows it’s possible. Chances are he’s seen it PLENTY of times. Because when girlfriends go ROGUE they usually go into hiding with or for a man.

So what do you do? My advice…..balance.

You have to keep a proper balance in how much you disclose to your girls.

1. How much in terms of how often
2. And how much in terms of the details

Don’t just run and tell your business for the sake of telling. Because that’s gossiping about your own relationship. And that’s what your man doesn’t want. But if you’ve got something weighing heavy on your mind or heart, there’s nothing wrong with venting. But make sure that your telling what needs to be known. Be careful of what you tell. Because that’s behavior that can make a girlfriend go ROGUE. From telling how good your man is to you, to telling how bad he is.

-If your bragging about what he does for you, it can in return cause a jealous reaction within your friend. She can began wanting what you have.
- If your complaining about what he doesn’t do. How he treats you…then that can create a bad relationship between your girls and your man. Because what you can get over, they sometimes can’t.
* And it goes both ways ladies. You also have to be careful what you tell your man about your girls. For starters whether they’ll admit it or not they judge us a little off of the company we keep. And if what you're saying about your friends isn’t making them look good in his eyes, it’ll deter him from wanting you to spend time with them. Understandably so.

Balance……

In order for these two relationships to coexist, both have to be nurtured. Show no favoritism. It honestly does require effort from you. But at the same time there are some things that both parties should be understanding of.

Like “ladies night”

Or “girlfriend emergencies“. Instances where a girlfriend’s immediate issue
can take precedence over almost everything. You might have to cancel something
to go tend to her. But he should respect and understand your relationship with
her. And appreciate that loyalty in you.

Extra shit that you may go out your way and do for one of your girlfriends. He
can’t be jealous or bothered by it…..

But your girls need to be just as understanding. They might not get as much time as their use to. You might not be interested in the same things you were into. Especially clubbin or partying….

These changes should come as no surprise to your girls because every lady knows there are some things that must change when you're in a romantic relationship. Point blank and that should go without explanation.

You’ve got to connect these two relationships in positive settings….fair ground.

Be weary of bringing your man to spots or events that are usually your chill spots with your girls. For one, you and your girls are prone to behave in certain ways, at specific locations. ESPECIALLY your party spots. Not to say you’ll be out of control, but you may want to be careful of the type of light you shine on your girls.

3rd wheel dates are a possibility. (A date with you, your man & a girlfriend) but in the words of my sister “they should come few and far in between”.

It may take you initiating activities that are comfortable and engaging for your man and girls. But you should be willing to make the needed effort.

Natural Hair Journey

Why?
Why am I so insistent on going natural?
Let’s see….where do I start?


I’ve NEVER been completely satisfied with my hair. I mean it would look good once I got it styled but after a few days it would be back to it’s normal lack luster state. I wanted long, bouncy, pretty hair. I seriously believed that in order to be pretty I needed long, “good” hair. Well ladies and gentleman my hair did not get long. And it was never “good”. As a matter of fact it fluctuated between appearing healthy and breaking off ridiculous amounts of hair every few months. It was a struggle. How could my HAIR make me feel so unattractive. I started to think about the power I had given it. The power I had given others in defining who I was.


I want that power back.
I want to see my hair in it’s natural state.
I want the kinks, the thickness.

I began transitioning. My last relaxer was December 09 for my graduation.

Shortly after graduation, (I believe some time in early Jan) I cut the back of my hair low and the front portion as well. The back was brush low though. I still held on to the front. I guess deep inside I just wasn’t ready to fully commit. And I’ve continued holding on now for…..ummm, let’s see…. Jan, Feb, March, April annnnd finally May……5months. It’s time to let go. I’m ready to let go.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m nervous. I’m anxious about whether my boyfriend will still find me attractive. (A thought he wholeheartedly is amused by when I confess to him) I’m self conscious about what my family will say. Especially my mother and grandmother. I’m scared of what comments my kids will make. You know kids hold no punches. But that’s why I need to do this. Because in reality the only concern that should take precedence, is my OWN.

I just have to keep reminding myself of why I’m doing this. What it means to ME.

If I can cut my hair off and still keep my head high, it means strength. A strength that I have never committed to.

And every inch of it that I gain, represents growth. Not just of my hair, but myself.

I know that this may sound like I’m putting too much thought or power into a simple hairstyle. But for me, it’s more than a hair style. It’s a change in my life style, my mentality, my individuality.

This is a slight rebellion against femininity. Against what “man” defines as feminine or attractive. I don’t need nor want anybody to tell me what I should look like.


Today I will big chop! I might hate it. But I WILL get over it. And hopefully my friends and fam will get what this means to me and just support. I’m sure I’ll get negative feedback. I’m sure someone or a few someone’s will ask why I did it. But it doesn’t matter if they understand or not. I do. I know why.

I gotta find PEACE of mind.....

I’ve been trying to find my peace of mind lately. Struggling really. Post Graduation life hasn’t been all that fulfilling. And I could blame it on the fact that it took what felt like forever to even find employment. And even though I have it’s part time. But I won’t complain. Well at least not anymore.

I mean I’m gonna be honest with myself. What the hell did I expect???! Wait……I’ll tell you. I expected to find full time employment at a nice company (preferably in RTP). To be moving out of my mother’s house within a year...to have settled on a grad school. This WAS my dream…

Let me tell you what I got. Part time employment working as an “After School Counselor”. I’m still at home with my mother and honestly that probably won’t even be changing ANYTIME soon. And grad school....that’s another blog in itself.

BUT….I’ve also come to a few realizations over these past few months.

I love my job. Like I go to work and have fun…I’m not looking at the clock every few seconds, I’m not calling out every other day. Habits that consumed me at my past jobs.

I’m living rent free. I’m actually rather lucky. My mother doesn’t really get on my nerves (for the most part)

And applying to Grad School is a PROCESS. A little more so then undergrad…..

My writers block is slowly disappearing. This blog being evidence!

I’m growing…..it’s a process. THAT”S what I have to keep reminding myself. For some reason I want INSTANT change, INSTANT growth…..but that’s impossible. That’s just not how it works. You have to work at things, it takes TIME…..

I always say that life is a journey…..and it really is. Years equate to steps……our lows are our mountains….bad days are mole hills……you get through it so that you can eventually get to where ever it is your trying to go. Any along this journey we discover things about ourselves, about other people, about the “road” itself that assist us.

And that’s my peace of mind. That’s what calms & brings harmony to me anxiety prone mind. The fact that I’m moving and working.

Slow and Steady……