Natural Hair Journey

Why?
Why am I so insistent on going natural?
Let’s see….where do I start?


I’ve NEVER been completely satisfied with my hair. I mean it would look good once I got it styled but after a few days it would be back to it’s normal lack luster state. I wanted long, bouncy, pretty hair. I seriously believed that in order to be pretty I needed long, “good” hair. Well ladies and gentleman my hair did not get long. And it was never “good”. As a matter of fact it fluctuated between appearing healthy and breaking off ridiculous amounts of hair every few months. It was a struggle. How could my HAIR make me feel so unattractive. I started to think about the power I had given it. The power I had given others in defining who I was.


I want that power back.
I want to see my hair in it’s natural state.
I want the kinks, the thickness.

I began transitioning. My last relaxer was December 09 for my graduation.

Shortly after graduation, (I believe some time in early Jan) I cut the back of my hair low and the front portion as well. The back was brush low though. I still held on to the front. I guess deep inside I just wasn’t ready to fully commit. And I’ve continued holding on now for…..ummm, let’s see…. Jan, Feb, March, April annnnd finally May……5months. It’s time to let go. I’m ready to let go.

Don’t get me wrong, I’m nervous. I’m anxious about whether my boyfriend will still find me attractive. (A thought he wholeheartedly is amused by when I confess to him) I’m self conscious about what my family will say. Especially my mother and grandmother. I’m scared of what comments my kids will make. You know kids hold no punches. But that’s why I need to do this. Because in reality the only concern that should take precedence, is my OWN.

I just have to keep reminding myself of why I’m doing this. What it means to ME.

If I can cut my hair off and still keep my head high, it means strength. A strength that I have never committed to.

And every inch of it that I gain, represents growth. Not just of my hair, but myself.

I know that this may sound like I’m putting too much thought or power into a simple hairstyle. But for me, it’s more than a hair style. It’s a change in my life style, my mentality, my individuality.

This is a slight rebellion against femininity. Against what “man” defines as feminine or attractive. I don’t need nor want anybody to tell me what I should look like.


Today I will big chop! I might hate it. But I WILL get over it. And hopefully my friends and fam will get what this means to me and just support. I’m sure I’ll get negative feedback. I’m sure someone or a few someone’s will ask why I did it. But it doesn’t matter if they understand or not. I do. I know why.